Constant nit-picking criticism, humiliation, undermining, ignored, rights ignored, sidelined? Read this
Many adoptees have great anger This is
another bullying situation I have great anger about. I don't suffer from a
sense of rejection as many adoptees do, but I have extreme feelings of anger
from being bullied by inane laws. I have three kids, all born with genetic
abnormalities ranging from mild to severe, and do you think I have a health
Adoption records are sealed in the United States. England, Scotland,
Sweden, The Netherlands, Germany, South Korea, Mexico, Argentina, and
Venezuela all have open adoption laws. In the US, they don't give a flying
rat's arse about adoptee's genetic histories. It's amazing how many countries
have open adoption laws compared to the US. My county is an anomaly. To get
at your own adoption records, one must engage in a long, protracted, arduous
fight. I've been fighting and searching for 20 years. It's been agony. I've
been told that I have enough *mad* for everybody in my adoption group. But, I
am striking back and undermining these laws in every way I can.
Adoptees in the US are regarded as second class citizens. We don't have
the same rights in this country as others do. We are legally discriminated
against. Adopted adults must make all requests to juvenile courts and are
bound by a third party contracts. The worst of it is, when we complain about
this less than human status, people look at us like we have bugs crawling out
of our ears. Our feelings have merit and are valid, and they are not treated
as such. Adoption is an industry in this country. Many adoptions like
mine have been painted with false information and illegal conduct of those
who constantly work to keep the activities of these agencies from being found
out. I feel this is exactly what serial bullies do. They act without remorse,
then shift the blame when confronted. Adoptees have been given a very
negative image in this country. These agencies have worked hard to portray us
as emotionally damaged goods and negate our needs, while telling us to just
"shut up and be grateful."
Discrimination on any level is a form of bullying.
Yes, American laws DO beggar belief! They're so sick, they'd be laughable
if they weren't true. Bit by bit, things are changing here. I just got news
yesterday, that, California is going to introduce an open records bill.
I assume that it will be passed. California prides itself on liberalism.
It will garner national attention, be on every news station, in many
magazines, and investigative news shows will feature this increasingly vocal
When I got the email yesterday telling me about this upcoming bill in
California, I absolutely broke. I called my mother and just cried. When I
first started my search I thought that these records might never be opened.
Then, when I gained Internet access I thought, well, maybe 50 years. If I'm
lucky, I'll live to see it. Now I am thinking maybe 10 years, 15 tops. In the
last 5 years or so, 5 or 6 states have overturned these secrecy laws, and
California is a very big fish to catch. It is gaining momentum, and I think
at some point, a groundswell will occur.
When I was talking to my mother, I told her that I wish I could bring a
lawsuit against the agency that handled my adoption. I sought my medical
history when I was pregnant with my first child in 1981. If I had received
that information, I would not have had three children. I would have quit at
one. My last two are so afflicted, I hurt every single moment of the day for
them, and I blame the agency for all the lies I was told, and false
information that I have already received from my files. They fabricated and
lied and lied and lied. I don't even know if the day I was born, was the day
I was born! I realized yesterday, that even if I did sue them and won, there
is no amount of money that I could ever win in any court battle that could
ever, ever wipe out the pain that I have suffered, or my children have
suffered. There is nothing that could ever compensate for these injuries. I
hate these people so much, there aren't words. It's burdened my life beyond
description. It's helped kill all sense of religion in me. I've lived and
seen too much suffering and there is nothing noble or divine about it. It's
made me very bitter. It's very nearly wrecked me, but I won't let them win
this fight. I won't let them have the last word on this.
"If we didn't find adoption so contemptible, so laced with shame, why would
our laws be so vehemently constructed to protect everyone from the shame
returning to their doorsteps?"
- adoptee Marcy Axness in "Painful Lessons, Loving Bonds"
Bully OnLine is a gold mine of insight and information on bullying which identifies the different types of harassment and bullying, and exposes the principal perpetrator, the serial bully. Everyone, whether overweight or underweight or "normal", knows at least one person in their life with the profile of the serial bully. Click here to see ...who has this behaviour profile in your life?
Have a look through this web site to recognise the bullies and bullying in your life ... start with Am I being bullied? then move on to What is bullying? To find out what you can do about bullying, click Action to tackle bullying. Have a look at the profile of the serial bully which is common to sociopathic managers, harassers, stalkers, rapists, violent partners, abusers, paedophiles, even serial killers of the organised kind.
If bullying and harassment have caused injury to health, commonly diagnosed as "stress", see the page on injury to health and the one on the psychiatric injury of trauma, a collection of symptoms congruent with the diagnostic criteria for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, or PTSD.
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