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Jokes for blokes and other manly wisdom
(this is not an oxymoron)

Updated 15 October 2004
Tim Field is not responsible for the content of external links.
Parents may find some of these jokes unsuitable for young children.
Young children may not find them unsuitable.

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jokes about women


Female language dictionary

40-ish...............................................49
Adventurous.....................................Slept with everyone
Athletic.............................................No tits
Average looking................................Ugly
Beautiful............................................Pathological liar
Contagious Smile..............................Does a lot of pills
Emotionally Secure...........................On medication
Free spirit.........................................Junkie
Friendship first..................................Former slut
Fun..................................................Annoying
New-Age.........................................Body hair in the wrong places
Old-fashioned..................................No BJs
Open-minded...................................Desperate
Outgoing..........................................Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate.......................................Sloppy drunk
Professional......................................Bitch
Feminist...........................................Fat
Voluptuous......................................Very Fat
Large frame.....................................Hugely Fat
Wants Soulmate..............................Stalker

1. Yes = No
2. No = No
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want..
5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = You're in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = You better not
8. Do what you want = And you'll pay dearly
9. I am not upset = Of course I am upset, you moron!
10. You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?


Four Secrets to Happy Relationships

1.  It is important to find a woman who cooks and cleans
2.  It is important to find a woman who makes good money
3.  It is important to find a woman who likes to have sex

Click here for #4.


We always hear "The Rules" from the feminine side.  OK - well now hear the guy's side.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.  You're a big girl.  If it's up, put it down.

1. Birthday's Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!

1. Sometimes, we are not thinking about you.  Live with it.

1. Do not ask us what we are thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, and NASCAR.

1. Sunday = Sports.  It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.  Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport, and no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really!

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.  Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work. Strong hints do not work. Obvious hints do not work. Just say it!

1. We don't remember dates.  Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.

1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem.  See a doctor!

1. Check your oil! Please.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.  In fact, all comments  become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad  or angry, we meant the other one.

1. Let us ogle.  We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both.  If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

1. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And, quit whining to your girlfriends.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit.  We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.  We do that.

1. We are not mind readers and we never will be.  Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing", we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.


You've got a point

For thousands of years, men have tried to understand the rules when dealing with women. Finally, this merit/demerit guide will help you to understand how it works. Remember, in the world of romance, one  single rule applies:  Make the woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don't  get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played.

Here is a guide to the points system:

SIMPLE DUTIES

You make the bed.....+1
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows .....0
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets.....-1
You go out to buy her extra-light panty liners with wings....+5
  in the snow.....+8
  but return with beer.....-5
  and no liners.....-25

You check out a suspicious noise at night ..... 0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing..... 0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something.....+5
You pummel it with a six iron.....+10
 It's her cat.....-40

AT THE PARTY

You stay by her side the entire party..... 0
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college drinking buddy.....-2
  named Tiffany.....-4
  Tiffany is a dancer.....-10
  with breast implants.....-18

HER BIRTHDAY

You remember her birthday..... 0
You buy a card and flowers..... 0
You take her out to dinner..... 0
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar.....+1
Okay, it is a sports bar.....-2
And it's all-you-can-eat night.....-3
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your  face is painted the colors of your favorite team.....-10

A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS

Go with a pal..... 0
The pal is happily married.....+1
The pal is single.....-7
He drives a Ferrari.....-10
With a personalized license plate (GR8 NBED).....-15

A NIGHT OUT WITH HER

You take her to a movie.....+2
You take her to a movie she likes.....+4
You take her to a movie you hate.....+6
You take her to a movie you like.....-2
It's called Death Cop 3.....-3
which features Cyborgs that eat humans.....-9
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans.....-15

YOUR PHYSIQUE

You develop a noticeable pot belly.....-15
You develop a noticeable pot belly & exercise to get rid of it....+10
You develop a noticeable pot belly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts.....-30
You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too.".....-800

THE BIG QUESTION

She asks, "Does this dress make me look fat?"
You hesitate in responding.....-10
You reply, "Where?".....-35
You reply, "No, I think it's your butt".....-100
Any other response.....-20

COMMUNICATION

When she wants to talk about a problem:
You listen, displaying a concerned statement..... 0
You listen, for over 30 minutes.....+5
You relate to her problem and share a similar experience.....+50
You're mind wanders to sports and you suddenly hear her saying, "Well, what do you think I should do".....-50
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV.....+100
She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep.....-200


Male Date Rape Drug Warning . . .

Police warn all male clubbers, partygoers and unsuspecting bar regulars to be more alert and cautious when accepting a drink offer from a girl.

There is a date rape drug going around called "beer," and it appears in liquid form.

The drug is being used by female sexual predators at parties to convince male victims to have sex with them.

"Beer," is available virtually anywhere.

All girls have to do is persuade a guy to consume a few units of "beer," and simply ask him home for no-strings-attached sex.

Men are rendered helpless against such attacks.

After several "beers," men will often succumb to performing sex acts on horrific looking women who they would never normally be attracted to.

Men often wake up after having "beer" with only hazy memories of what happened to them the night before, just a vague feeling that something bad occurred.

At other times these unfortunate men might be conned into a familiar scam known as "a relationship" - apparently men are easier victims for this scam after the "beer" has been administered and they have already been sexually attacked.

If you fall victim to this insidious drug and the predatory women administering it, there are male support groups where you can discus the details of your shocking encounter in an open manner with a bunch of similarly affected guys.

For your nearest support group just look up 'Bars' in the yellow pages.


HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. He does not have a BEER GUT - He has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.
2. He is not a BAD DANCER - He is OVERLY CAUCASIAN.
3. He does not GET LOST ALL THE TIME - He INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.
4. He is not BALDING - He is FOLLICLY CHALLENGED.
5. He is not a CRADLE SNATCHER - He prefers GENERATIONALLY  DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS.
6. He does not get FALLING-DOWN DRUNK - He becomes  ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL.
7. He does not act like a TOTAL ASS - He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.
8. He is not a MALE CHAUVINIST PIG - He has SWINE EMPATHY.
9. He is not afraid of COMMITMENT - He is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED.

Click here for how to speak about women and be politically correct.


Women's Training Courses

1. Silence, the Final Frontier: Where No Woman Has Gone Before

2. The Undiscovered Side of Banking: Making Deposits

3. Parties: Going Without New Outfits

4. Man Management: Minor Household Chores Can Wait Till After The Game

5. Bathroom Etiquette I: Men Need Space in the Bathroom Cabinet Too.

6. Bathroom Etiquette II: His Razor is His

7. Communication Skills I: Tears - The Last Resort, not the First.

8. Communication Skills II: Thinking Before Speaking

9. Communication Skills III: Getting What you Want Without Nagging

10. Driving a Car Safely: A Skill You CAN Acquire

11. Telephone Skills: How to Hang Up

12. Introduction to Parking

13. Advanced Parking: Backing Into a Space

14. Water Retention: Fact or Fat

15. Cooking I: Bringing Back Bacon, Eggs and Butter

16. Cooking II: Bran and Tofu are Not for Human Consumption

17. Cooking III: How not to Inflict Your Diets on Other People

18. Compliments: Accepting Them Gracefully

19. PMS: Your Problem . . . Not His

20. Dancing: Why Men Don't Like To

21. Classic Clothing: Wearing Outfits You Already Have

22. Household Dust: A Harmless Natural Occurrence Only Women Notice

23. Integrating Your Laundry: Washing It All Together

24. Oil and Gas: Your Car Needs Both

25. TV Remotes: For Men Only


New procedures

Please note that with the arrival of new' Drive-Thru' cash point machines, customers will be able to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. To enable users to use this new facility the following procedures have been drawn up.

MALE

1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Wind down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Wind up window.
7. Drive off.

FEMALE

1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Reverse back the required amount to align car to the machine.
3. Restart the stalled engine.
4. Wind window down.
5. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat, to locate card.
6. Locate make-up bag and check make-up in rear view mirror.
7. Attempt to insert card into machine.
8. Open car door to allow easier access to machine, due to its excessive distance from the car.
9. Insert card.
10. Re-insert card the right way up.
11. Re-enter handbag to find diary, with your PIN written on the inside cover.
12. Enter PIN.
13. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
14. Enter amount of cash required.
15. Re-check make-up in rear view mirror.
16. Retrieve cash and receipt.
17. Empty handbag again to locate purse and place cash
18. Place receipt in back of check book.
19. Drive forward two meters.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
23. Drive for 3 to 4 miles.
24. Release handbrake.


Fed up with all those male-bashing jokes?

How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.

Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.

Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.

How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me...."

How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There's a clock on the oven.

Why do brides get married in white?
So that they match all the other domestic appliances.

Why do men fart more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told.

I married Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.

I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months:
I don't like to interrupt her.

What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence?
Divorced.

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.

Marriage is a 3-ring circus:
Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring, Suffering.

Our last fight was my fault:
My wife asked me "What's on the TV?", I said, "Dust!"

In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
Then God created Man and rested.
Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.

Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.

A beggar walked up to a well-dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and said,
"I haven't eaten anything for days."
She looked at him and said, "God, I wish I had your willpower."

Young Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
Dad: "That happens in every country, son."

A man inserted an advertisement in the classified: "Wife Wanted"
The next day he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.


girlmous.jpg (38225 bytes)


The strength of a man

The strength of a man isn't seen in the width of his shoulders.
~~~~It's seen in the width of his arms that circle you.

The strength of a man isn't in the deep tone of his voice.
~~~~It's in the gentle words he whispers.

The strength of a man isn't how many buddies he has.
~~~~It's how good a buddy he is with his kids.

The strength of a man isn't in how respected he is at work.
~~~~It's in how respected he is at home.

The strength of a man isn't in how hard he hits.
~~~~It's in how tender he touches.

The strength of a man isn't in the hair on his chest.
~~~~It's in his Heart...that lies within his chest.

The strength of a man isn't how many women he's loved.
~~~~It's in how he can be true to one woman.

The strength of a man isn't in the weight he can lift.
~~~~It's in the burdens he can carry.

© July 15, 1999
Jacqueline Marie Griffiths
(written for Hunt D. Rochon)  

Displayed with kind permission of Jacqueline Marie Griffiths


Damn, It's Good to Be a Man!!

Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be president. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too icky. Same work - more pay. Wrinkles add character.

Wedding Dress $5000; Tux rental $100. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. Your pals never try to trap you with: "So, notice anything different?" One mood, ALL the damn time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks.

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. Dry cleaners and hair stylists don't rob you blind. You can leave the motel bed unmade. You can kill your own food. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend. Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. If you are 34 and single, nobody notices. Everything on your face stays its original color. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You don't have to clean the apartment if the maid is coming.

You can quietly watch a game with a buddy for hours without thinking: "He must be mad at me." You don't mooch off other's desserts. You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift. You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You don't have to shave below your neck.

Your belly usually hides your big hips. One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons. You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache. You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24th in 45 minutes.

Damn, it's good to be a man!


How to impress a man

Show up naked.
.... with Beer

How to impress a woman


Reasons to Love Men

They've got that comfortable place on their shoulder that's perfect for snuggling into while we fall asleep.

They're at peace with their bodies, except for maybe some minor anxiety over height, weight, and baldness.

They're enthusiastic about our bodies, even when we're not.

They fall in love so hard, once they finally fall.

Chest hair, forearm hair and the feel of a newly shaved cheek.

Bravery around snakes, waterbugs, bats and flat tires.

Their unapologetic lust for a nice hunk of beef or chocolate cake.

Their ability to solve problems simply by throwing a ball around.

The glimpse you get when they wear their baseball cap backward of their inner Little Leaguer.

How tender they get when they cry, and how seldom they do it.

What they lack in talk, they tend to make up for in action.

They make excellent companions when driving through rough neighborhoods or walking past dark alleys.

They really love their moms. They remind us of our dads.

They don't mind accompanying a woman to a party even though she looks like a movie star and they look like the chauffeur.

Their near-endless appetite for discussing the ins and outs of work and money - ours as well as theirs.

Their genuine ardor for tinkering with toilets, changing oil and assembling gas grills - jobs any intelligent woman can do but would be nuts to volunteer for.

They never care what their horoscope, their mother-in-law, nor what the neighbors say.

They rarely lie about their age, their weight, or their clothing size.

How awestruck they are in the face of a Wonderbra or a homemade cookie.

How nice their butts look in jeans.

How nice their hands look holding ours.

Their face is a treasure to behold when they give us a present they picked out.

Their ignorance is usually amusing.

They have a great sense of competition.

They give great hugs (and always melt our hearts when a sweet "I love you" is added).

Though they often try to hide it, they're very tenderhearted and caring.

They have an uncanny ability to look deeply into our eyes and connect with our heart, even when we don't want them to.

They don't care whether colors match, but are willing to be concerned if we want them to be.

They give us a peek at the little boy inside when they get sick or happy or hurt.


"If you think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blankets back to your side." (Stuart Turner)

"Sex is one of the most beautiful, wholesome, and natural things that money can buy." (Steve Martin)

What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
45 lbs.

How many women does it take to change a light bulb?
None, they just sit there in the dark and bitch.

Why does the bride always wear white?
Because it's good for the dishwasher to match the stove and refrigerator.

If you are having sex with two women and one more walks in, what do you have?
Divorce proceedings, most likely.


A man's first thought...


What's she made of?

Element Name: WOMANIUM
Symbol: WO
Atomic Weight: (don't even go there)

Physical properties: Generally soft and round in form. Boils at nothing and may freeze any time. Melts when treated properly. Very bitter if not used well.

Chemical properties: Very active. Highly unstable. Possesses strong affinity with gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones. Violent when left alone. Able to absorb great amounts of exotic food. Turns slightly green when placed next to a better specimen.

Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for dispersion of wealth. Probably the most powerful income reducing agent known.

Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands!

Click here to see what he's made of.


How to shower like a man

1) Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
2) Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see your wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the "woo woo" sound.
3) Look at your manly physique in the mirror and suck in your gut to see if you have pecs (no). Admire the size of your wiener in the mirror, scratch your privates.
4) Get in the shower.
5) Don't bother to look for a washcloth (you don't use one).
6) Wash your face.
7) Wash your armpits.
8) Crack up at how loud your fart sounds in the shower.
9) Wash your privates and surrounding area.
10) Wash your butt, leaving hair on the soap bar.
11) Shampoo your hair (do not use conditioner).
12) Make a shampoo Mohawk.
13) Pull back shower curtain and look at yourself in the mirror.
14) Pee.
15) Rinse off and get out of the shower. Fail to notice water on the floor because you left the curtain hanging out of the tub the whole time.
16) Partially dry off.
17) Look at yourself in the mirror, flex muscles. Admire wiener size again.
18) Leave shower curtain open and wet bath mat on the floor.
19) Leave bathroom fan and light on.
20) Return to the bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass your wife, pull off the towel, grab your wiener, go "Yeah baby" and thrust your pelvis at her.
21) Throw wet towel on the bed. Take 2 minutes to get dressed. Think about the old days and mutter just audibly "Why isn't my favourite shirt ironed?".

Click here for the female version.


A guy with a very black eye boards his plane bound for Pittsburgh and sits down in his seat. He notices immediately the guy sitting next to him has a black eye too. He says to him, "Hey this is a coincidence, we both have black eyes, mind if I ask how you got yours?"

Other guy: "Well, it just happened. It was a tongue twister accident. See, I was at the ticket counter and this gorgeous blonde with huge breasts was there, so instead of saying 'I'd like a ticket to Pittsburgh', I said 'I'd like a picket to Tittsburgh', and she hauled off and hit me in the eye."

First guy: "Wow, this IS a coincidence. Mine was a tongue twister too. I was at the breakfast table this morning, and I meant to say to my wife, 'Please pass the box of Wheaties', but I accidentally said 'You've ruined my whole life you stupid bitch.'"


There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither one works.


Yesterday, scientists for Health Canada suggested that men should take a look at their beer consumption, considering the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer. The theory is that drinking beer makes men turn into women. To test the finding, 100 men were fed 6 pints of beer each. It was then observed that 100% of the men gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became overly emotional, couldn't drive, failed to think rationally, argued over nothing, and refused to apologize when wrong. No further testing is planned.


Blonde corner

Where are we?

Two tourists were driving through Wisconsin. As they were approaching Oconomowoc, they started arguing
about the pronunciation of the town's name. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch.

As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the blonde employee.

"Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are...
very slowly?"

The blonde girl leaned over the counter and said,

"Burrrrrr, gerrrrrr, Kiiiing."

Quickies...

What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.

A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade. Who has the biggest boobs?
The blonde, because she's 18.

What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"

Blondes in Heaven

Three blondes died and are at the pearly gates of heaven. St Peter tells them that they can enter the gates if they can answer one simple question. St. Peter asks the first blonde, 'What is Easter?'

The blonde replies, 'Oh, that's easy! It's the holiday in November when everyone gets together, eats turkey, and are thankful...'

'Wrong!,' replies St. Peter, and proceeds to ask the second blonde the same question, 'What is Easter?'

The second blonde replies, 'Easter is the holiday in December when we put up a nice tree, exchange presents, and celebrate the birth of Jesus.'

St. Peter looks at the second blonde, shakes his head in disgust, tells her she's wrong, and then peers over his glasses at the third blonde and asks, 'What is Easter?'

The third blonde smiles confidently and looks St. Peter in the eyes, 'I know what Easter is.'

'Oh?' says St. Peter, incredulously.

'Easter is the Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish celebration of Passover. Jesus and his disciples were eating at the last supper and Jesus was later deceived and turned over to the Romans by one of his disciples. The Romans took him to be crucified and he was stabbed in the side, made to wear a crown of thorns, and was hung on a cross with nails through his hands. He was buried in a nearby cave which was sealed off by a large boulder.'

St. Peter smiles broadly with delight.

The third blonde continues, 'Every year the boulder is moved aside so that Jesus can come out... and, if he sees his shadow, there will be six more weeks of winter.'


Blind man

Richard Smith, a blind man, enters a Lesbian Bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool, and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while, the blind guy yells to the bartender "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke ?"

The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet. In a husky, deep voice, the woman next  to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something. The bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde and I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb blonde with a black belt in karate. What's more, the woman sitting next to me is blonde and she's a weight lifter. The lady to your right is a blonde, and she's a pro wrestler. Think about it seriously, Mister. You still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."


A bit of a handful

frontbra.jpg (33732 bytes)sidebra.jpg (27724 bytes)


 

Four Secrets to Happy Relationships

 

4. It is important that these three women never meet.

 

 


Other pages of humour on this site

Bad Boss Jokes ...Lawyer jokes ... More humour ... Girl jokes ... Bloke jokes ... Engineer jokes ... Media quotes


Jennifer Studdard is researching PMS ... please send her jokes, anecdotes true or otherwise, etc ... click here for details.


Bully OnLine is funded by sales of these books

Recommended reading on identifying and dealing with bullying, harassment and psychological violence

bully in sight: how to predict, resist, challenge and combat workplace bullying; overcoming
the slience and denial by which abuse thrives by Tim Field
Bully in sight
How to predict, resist, challenge and combat workplace bullying
Overcoming the silence and denial by which abuse thrives

by
Tim Field
Foreword by Diana Lamplugh OBE
ISBN 0952912104
Published by Success Unlimited 1996
Paperback, 16 chapters, 384 pages, resources, index
Click book cover (left) for more details

"Will be eagerly read by those waiting for an update [to Andrea Adams' book]"
Times Educational Supplement 7/3/97
"Powerful, compassionate, practical" Nursing Times, 1/1/97

Readers' feedback and comments.

Written with the experience and insight only a fellow experiencer can impart, Bully in sight validates the experience of bullying when everyone else is trying to deny it. The injury to health caused by stress resulting from bullying and harassment is described in detail.

Bully in sight identifies bullying as a major cause of stress and the common denominator of harassment, discrimination, prejudice, abuse, conflict and violence. Bully in sight provides a chillingly accurate portrayal of the principal perpetrator of psychological violence, the serial bully, a joyless, humorless, loveless individual who is a compulsive liar with a Jekyll & Hyde nature who has a compulsive need to control through constant trivial criticism and a pathological refusal to value and recognise.

Packed with insight, ideas and direction, plus sources of help and suggested reading.

Order your signed copy:
 Online with secure credit card ordering
 By fax or letter with printed order form


Recommended reading on Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and recovery from trauma

post traumatic stress disorder: the invisible injury, 2001 edition by david kinchin
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
The invisible injury, 2005 edition

by
David Kinchin

ISBN 0952912147
Published by Success Unlimited 2004
Paperback, 16 chapters, 224 pages, resources, index
Click book cover (left) for more information

"This is the book I so badly wanted when I was traumatised."
David Kinchin, Author

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder: the invisible injury provides clear, practical advice for recovery from major traumatic experiences, including violence, harassment, assault, rape, accident, fire, explosion, disaster, or witnessing such events.

PTSD is a natural emotional reaction to a deeply shocking and disturbing experience. The symptoms are surprisingly common and include sleep problems, nightmares and waking early, impaired memory, inability to concentrate, hypervigilance (feels like but is not paranoia), jumpiness and exaggerated startle response, fragility and hypersensitivity, irritability, violent outbursts, joint and muscle pains, panic attacks, fatigue, low self-esteem, exaggerated feelings of guilt, feelings of nervousness and anxiety.

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